The Inner Director Knows. Our Job is to Get Out of the Way.
There is a time in life when we have to just stop overthinking. There is a time in life when all other possibilities fade away, all doors shut and there is one thing remaining. We can run from it and hide as long as we want, and in some cases we can push it away until we die. Maybe we’ll face it in our next life. But if we are at all sensitive, then this thing will be gnawing at us from the inside. Like an animal clawing at the inside of our hearts, aching to break free.
Our purpose is like this.
That one undeniable truth that lies in the center of our hearts and is the entire reason we are here.
When we don’t listen to it, and side step it, ignore it, or simply downplay it because, well, at any rate, life goes on, then, we suffer. It is there though, deep down.
And everyday, in its own secret language, it is speaking to us.
For me, it is writing. Writing as a form for speaking my truth, sharing that innermost discovery of my soul with the world. And I have been terrified of this for years. Speaking, writing, sharing, it doesn’t matter, but being a clear channel for that which is most intimate and true deep within my being has paralyzed me.
And I know I’m not alone.
The spiritual reality of our life is that at our deepest core we are nearly unrecognizable.
A vast and open spaciousness pervades the depth of our hearts and it is utterly impersonal.
It is free, happy, powerful, intuitive and serene, yet, we can’t claim it as our own. This ineffable feeling has no name tag and no personality, no history and personal story. Yet, ironically, it knows exactly what needs to be done and how to do it.
On the surface though, we are trained to act as people. We mold our selves into an individual that is supposed to act a certain way, fill a certain role, have some mode of continuity between who we were and who we are expected to be.
The die is cast by a million opinions from people all around us and we hear these voices inside of our head.
They tell us we should be doing something in a particular way, we should be aligned to the standards of the world and if not, we are to be ashamed, fearful, liable to be on trial for breaking the mold.
Our deepest fear, after death, is to be alone, and when we risk putting our most honest truth out there, of speaking from our soul within a backdrop of subtle conformity, we are risking it all. Risking being ousted; judged and excommunicated because we don’t fulfill certain unspoken expectations. It terrifies us. And, 9 times out of 10, we recoil. Even if that recoiling means sinking back into a silence. Conformity. Playing it safe. We retract into a shell of comfort and reverse into the false illusion that we are somebody fixed and certain that must not be tampered with. At least, as long as we are that ideal of our self, we have the illusion of safety; our walls are up, the armor is hardened, and there is no real chance that our softness, weakness, and imperfections will be seen.
The paradox is that our greatest brilliance comes from the impersonal intelligence deep within us. The genius’s of the world were simply able to channel this. They tapped into this unlimited source of intelligence and let it flow through them. They just happened to have a name, a brand, a niche, an area of expertise, that gave a sense of continuity and thus a place for the fame, recognition and identity to be displayed. Mostly though, it was the outside world who cast them in a certain light. For them, the inner experience was one of tapping into a pure and undiluted consciousness, a flaming intelligence that they knew they had to channel; or else they too, would suffer.
And it is so with each of us.
By matter of purely existing in the infinity of the Kosmos, by the mere birth on to this planet, we are tethered to an unimaginable force of creative potential that lies dormant, as a matter of irrefutable fact, in the center of our hearts.
It is sublime yet all pervading. It is unshakeable yet tender and fragile. It is unlimited and yet, takes our acknowledgement and limited time to access. It is fearless, yet takes overcoming our ego’s fears of judgement and criticism. It knows the way, yet has to be sanctioned by our rational mind that is usually stuck in endless calculations and analytical forethought to secure a semblance of guaranteed safety before even beginning. And most of us, then, don’t even begin.
As bad as a rap as the Self-Help movement gets sometimes, I think reminders to be great can’t be said enough. We are so deeply conditioned to fear our own brilliance, and live habituated to societies standards of safety and mediocrity that we rarely venture beyond the pale of the known and into a sense of liberating freedom that is born from tapping into the unknown force beyond our minds. A few hundred, or thousand, Self-Help books is nothing compared to the constant reverberations and signals of mediocrity and malaise that are presented to us on any given day; never mind the looping patterns of negative-self talk that haunt the caverns of our subconscious, whispering words of failure and smallness every chance they get. Self-Help books, videos, and tools simply act as an energetic catalyst to confirm that sense of hidden potential within us, and are needed like kindling and paper and oil on a fire: only until the wood is lit and burning on its own; burning bright enough to dry the core of self-doubt, push out the moisture of procrastination and survive the winds of judgement from the world.
So, to that end, anything created from a place of deep knowing, of silence inspired intuition is worthy to be in the world. Is a movement from the deep potential in man’s soul, and a pointer towards the creative intelligence of the world that is trying to build something. Something smarter, something more real, something more inspired, something more connected. It is yearning to move through us, and when we allow it, when we respond to it, when we purify our instruments and hone our craft enough for it to flow, then our hearts are freed. Our purpose begins to work itself out. We surrender to this greater thing inside and in the dying to that offering, there is clarity. The little false self steps aside and a great ocean of stable and creative peace asserts its sublime reality and we can finally exhale. And release our light.